Desecration

Everything I once believed in turned to dust with one single blow. You, who taught me to believe, have you done it just to ruin it someday? It took nine years for me to build myself on the ashes of childhood - using every your word, every chord of your guitars, every thought in your lyrics as a brick, and to become what I finally became... Due to you, and for you. Being cynical and dark, being disillusioned and sometimes rude, still I've been your fan, genuine, honest and pure. Even when facing the dirt I felt clean - because of the lessons I got from you. Everything's possible as long as you believe in it... But today I've seen that it's possible even through the things you don't believe in.

Sellout... An ugly word I hate the most in this world I got into - also due to you - world of show business. I've done it to be closer to you. I sacrificed myself, being harassed, hurt, disillusioned - but I've seen the light in the end of this tonnel. You turned the light off...

If I could also push the button and turn off this fucking mind player, that plays your songs in my head again and again, it wouldn't be so painful.

Since you've gone... There's an empty space... I live all those moments again wishing you were here...

But it is there, bringing the most brilliant, masterpiece lines into my memory, and biting me, tearing me down, twisting my brains, cutting my skin... I want to go and get drunk, so fucking drunk, not to be able to control myself -

Blackout... My head explodes...

- and the only thing holding me is a bitter knowledge that I have to do my work till tomorrow comes.

Hello, what have you done with our dream?! That's already not yours, that's mine... Written about those you came to help... Long before...

Where do you go, fantastic dreambird?.. Take me away to somewhere, take me away from here...

I don't know what to feel. After all I won't stop loving you in the end. This paradox tears me insane. But how that was possible?.. No, I know, I understand everything, because I've made some experience in this sphere too. And I can even say what points did they press to make you agree.

Then I was a child. Naive, romantic, wearing rosy specs. But I believed in you. Believed, that you'll never betray me, crossing your way with plastic & silicone semimusic called Conveyor. But...

Heroes don't cry...

So won't I. I cannot rip you out of my heart, so you will remain there, like before, but now this pulsing muscle is a rude gory wound with a thorn in the middle. Forgive me for the truth I've spoken. I'm still loving you...